I've struggled with panic attacks since I was a kid, I can remember my first panic attack when I was sat in assembly when I was about seven years old and feeling overwhelmed that something bad was going to happen. I felt sick and my stomach was full of cramps and I was completely unaware of what was happening to me. Over the years my panic attacks became worse. As a result of my panic attacks I slowly struggled with social anxiety.
Social anxiety has stopped me doing an awful lot in my life. I struggled so much with anxiety when I was 18 that I deferred from university because the thought of having to go to a new place and make new friends terrified me, whilst I don't regret not going to university now, at the time I did a little bit. I got to the point where I would always reject offers to go out places in the fear of having a panic attack and when I did go out, even though I never did have a panic attack, I could never settle and was always on edge. However, when I didn't go out I was still worrying that I'd let my friends or family down and they were judging me for it.
Though I've learnt more about social anxiety and panic disorder it's still something that I struggle with. It's not something that you're going to get over in a day. I can go weeks without struggling with either but then I can go weeks really suffering from both, That's what provoked this post. Lately, I've been going through a tough time with anxiety/ Completely unprovoked, my anxiety hit me in the face one morning even though I had nothing really to worry about - and that's what annoys me the most, because I never know when it's going to appear again. If there's only one piece of advise I can give you it'd be to talk to someone. I always bottle up my problems and then I end up exploding, it's no good for me or the person I end up breaking down to.
Anxiety and mental health issues isn't a trend and it annoys me when people treat them like this. It's a serious issue for the person suffering from them and it's not something that you should be ashamed of or not discuss with anyone. The first person I told other than my parents about my anxiety was Scott several years before we got into a relationship. I was terrified about what he would think of me, but even now he's incredibly supportive of me. If I can't go somewhere because I'm too anxious he respects that. Find someone you trust and discuss these issues with them even if it's your family or a friend. If you're suffering I'd also recommend learning more about your problem. For me, learning more about panic attacks and social anxiety was just a relief and helped so much in itself. It calmed my nerves an awful lot. I know this has been a rambling mess but Tuesday and I like to ramble on about things that's been on my mind. But my main advise, DON'T LET IT CONTROL YOUR LIFE. It's so easy for it to control your life, but at the end of the day and as harsh as it may sound, most of the time it is just in your mind and once you realise that it's so much easier to deal with.
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